Hannah B. and Chris Harrison The Men Tell All The Bachelorette Recap: The Men Tell All (Season 15)

The Bachelorette Recap: The Men Tell All (Season 15)

Jennifer Lind-Westbrook Recaps, The Bachelorette

On The Bachelorette Season 15, “The Men Tell All,” Hannah deals with a persistent Luke P., and Hannah’s guys get together to dish about the season.

Bring on the chicken nuggets and some ouzo because Hannah finally gets rid of the poop on The Bachelorette Season 15’s metaphorical shoe, Luke P. Mama has sex, likes sex, and gosh darn it, Jesus loves her anyway.

Aside from Hannah’s highly-anticipated windmill sex, her premarital sex throwdown with Luke P. is what everyone has been waiting for, but things only get better.

This is technically “The Men Tell All” episode during which the men, well, tell all. But this time things are a bit different. There’s unfinished business to attend to in Greece first, and it involves Luke P. showing up at the final rose ceremony with a ring in his pocket.

Hannah has moved on. That’s a big fall for Luke P. who was the closest thing to love at first sight Hannah’s ever experienced. She’s gone girl. No regrets. She doesn’t miss him, and she doesn’t want him in her life.

But Luke P. is determined to prove to Hannah that even though she banged Peter, he still loves her. He isn’t through, and this isn’t over for him. Nothing he says takes account into what Hannah tells him during their last date.

 

Luke P. claims to know what Hannah wants better than the Bachelorette herself which is why he has the nads to show up and take his place next to the other three men. They are initially unaware Hannah cut him, and it’s only when she’s blindsided by Luke that Peter, Tyler, and Jed realize Luke is making his own last stand.

It ends about as well for him as it did for General Custer. Hannah’s as happy to see him as a scorching case of genital herpes. Luke swears he’s not going to move until she hears him out, and her only response is “I’m about to go psycho so … please leave.”

But Luke wants clarity, but Hannah’s got her clarity, and this is about her, not him. It’s The Bachelorette (or possibly The Gong Show because he’s been dismissed). The other three men stand there, giving Hannah the space to handle Luke all on her own. 

Perhaps, one of the best moves in the history of the show occurs when Hannah picks up the table with the two roses and walks right past Luke and his sad-psycho cow eyes. Girlfriend is ready to get on with it. When Luke just won’t leave, the guys do step in, and Luke warns Tyler C. and Jed not to lay their hands on him. Neither are especially concerned. 

Once again, Luke claims he’s been misunderstood, and Hannah decides to spill all the main talking points of their disastrous last date to her other suitors (and Chris Harrison who wanders over to do whatever he’s supposed to do when someone goes full-on bunny boiler). 

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After looking him dead in the eye and stating unequivocally she’s got no feelings left for him, Luke finally excuses himself, dragging what few shreds of dignity he has behind him. Talk about a stage-five clinger.

Chris Harrison informs Hannah that Luke has a ring in his pocket and was ready to propose. Let’s just say she doesn’t take off down the hill chasing him yelling “Wait! Wait! I made a huge mistake.”

The other three guys are happy to see Luke walk away, but Jed takes credit for it. Maybe not entirely (and I’m not sure he’s wrong), but he does think his feelings about Hannah’s relationship with the cretin from the Black Lagoon is behind her change of heart. 

But the Luke P. show is far from over because he’s sitting on the couch with Chris Harrison ready to spill his guts as “The Men Tell All” finally kicks off (events in Greece are on pause until the finale).

It’s still all about Luke. The other guys remain backstage as Luke answers questions. He doesn’t say much of interest other than his final play was an attempt at closure, clarity, or both. He also thought Hannah was making a huge mistake. 

Chris Harrison: You had your say, it just went poorly, and you wanted another say. Right?

The interview between Luke P. and Chris Harrison is cringe-worthy. You can tell Luke knows he’s stuck his foot in his mouth so many times throughout the season that he takes forever to answer a question.

He still contradicts himself and talks in circles, so even when he slows down and allows his brain to catch up with his mouth, the end result is the same. 

Luke’s feelings for Hannah haven’t changed, and he wants what’s best for her, but she’s not his person.

Looking back does he feel like he made any mistakes? Nope, Luke P. wouldn’t change a thing.

Wait, obviously if he could go back, he would change a lot of things. Huh????? But he’s happy it “played out the way it did.” So Luke continues to make no sense. He does admit to clocking Luke S. during the rugby game and to screwing the guy over in general.

Here’s the thing — we know!!! It’s on camera. You’ve been caught red-handed. He has no choice but to take some ownership. He’s not happy about the Luke P. he’s seen on TV, but all the other boys sure were picking on him. Not to mention the woman of his dreams questioned his character and integrity.

All Luke wanted was to rescue Hannah from all these other men who just weren’t right for her. 

This is already far too much time devoted to Luke and his antics, and we still get to see the other men confront Luke about his non-stop bad behavior. This isn’t “The Men Tell All,” It’s “Luke Tells All.” 

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Chris Harrison and Luke P. The Bachelorette The Men Tell All
Image courtesy of ABC.

To be fair, when Chris Harrison introduces Hannah’s guys, only a handful are recognizable, and with the exception of Mike Johnson, most of the men we care about are still in the mix. Not that Cam doesn’t deserve some couch time to discuss his antics and the infamous “pity rose.” 

Thanks to all the time spent diagnosing Luke with a series of disturbing mental disorders, there isn’t much left for anyone else.

It’s a bit surprising John Paul Jones earns a spot on the couch, but it appears he’s got a strong but disturbed following. One of whom he allows to cut a lock of his hair.

This guy didn’t have a one-on-one with Hannah, and I’m not sure he even got to first base. He’s as appealing as a textbook WASP-y guy can be. My best guess is we’ll be seeing all sorts of drama involving John Paul Jones during Bachelor in Paradise, so a little one-on-one with Chris Harrison gives JPJ and the show a bump.

The only other guy to make it to the couch is Mike, “Big Mike,” Johnson. No surprise given he’s a fan favorite, a strong contender to become the next Bachelor, and seems to get along with just about everybody with the exception of one Luke P.

In fact, Chris Harrison has a huge man crush on Mike Johnson which bodes very well for Johnson’s future in the franchise. He’s a little heavy-handed with the hyperbole when Hannah cuts him loose, but other than that, no complaints.

Mike’s only question for Hannah is why wasn’t he the guy for her? What can he do to grow as a man? Ahh, what I wouldn’t give for ex-boyfriends seeking me out for performance reviews.

Chris Harrison and Mike Johnson The Bachelorette 15 The Men Tell All
Image courtesy of ABC.

Hannah comes out to face the firing squad, but it’s obvious there isn’t going to be one. She genuinely likes this group of guys, and they have her back. 

Hannah dives right into the Luke P. pond, and while she won’t deny her feelings for him were real, she believes they stemmed from her insecurities about being the Bachelorette. She worried the guys would be disappointed, and she might not live up to their expectations. Those are some very relatable feelings women have just going on one date.

Luke P.’s intentions were clear to her on the first night: he was there for her. It gave her hope that she held on to for way too long. He may have been her savior, but Hannah is very happy to have their relationship in her rearview. 

Luke P. apologizes to Hannah for making the process so difficult, and he thanks her for the lessons she taught him. The look on her face is not one of a forgiving Christian woman. 

Hannah B. and Chris Harrison The Men Tell All
Image courtesy of ABC.

Hannah makes some very interesting remarks about religion and faith, and how some people with your same beliefs can turn them around as use them against you. Hannah just basically sums up the hypocrisy of organized religion even if she wouldn’t categorize it in that way.

She addresses the Fantasy Suites and points out that she didn’t go into any of those dates planning to have sex (it’s inferred, and if ABC isn’t trying to encourage some sexual activity, the word “fantasy” wouldn’t be attached to the experience at all). 

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Hannah is definitely over being slut-shamed, and people using her having sex as a way to undermine her faith. Everybody lives their lives, and everybody sins. Glass houses, people. That’s fine and good, but people don’t want to see Cinderella banging the prince in their version of the fairytale. Sad but true. 

Realizing he stayed 15 minutes too long at the party, Luke makes his exit. 

Hannah B.’s got nothing but love for Mike Johnson. She thanks him for all of his support and for being on this journey with her. She respects him and will be his fan forever (somebody’s teeing someone up to be the next Bachelor). 

Garrett Powell whines a bit about opening up his heart and feeling upset that Hannah would choose Luke P. over him. But he’s forgiven her because he knows Luke misled her. Ehhhh … let’s not dismiss the fact Hannah was not clueless to Luke’s behavior (as she’s said many times), and she probably didn’t pick ya because you’re the kind of guy who winds up with a lap full of bologna.

Hannah’s season could have played out very differently had she booted Luke P. earlier, but she feels the relationship she had with him is one a lot of women can relate to. She categorizes her bond with Luke P. as toxic, and maybe women watching her figure out her own value and worth will help them do the same. So no regrets.

Hannah wraps things up with a huge apology to Bachelor Nation for Luke P. being on their TV screens for so long. She’s tired of talking about him. Everybody’s tired of talking about him (until he and Hannah start a Twitter feud), and the Luke P. show is officially canceled. 

What did you think of this episode of The Bachelorette? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Part one of The Bachelorette Season 15 two-part finale airs Monday, July 29 at 8/7c on ABC.

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Jennifer has been working as a freelance writer for six years, contributing to BuddyTV, Screen Rant, TVRage, Hidden Remote, Gossip On This, and PopMatters. She prefers binge-watching old episodes of The Office (British and American versions) to long walks on the beach. She's still holding out hope that Happy Endings will get a revival.