Vanderpump Rules Recap: The Exorcism of Stassi Schroeder (Season 7 Episode 19)
On Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 19, “The Exorcism of Stassi Schroeder,” Stassi turns to the dark arts to repair her relationship with Beau. Ariana deals with the 5th anniversary of her father’s death. Schwartz comes up with an elaborate plan to pay Lisa the money he owes her.
I like Stassi Schroeder … as a reality TV star. I enjoy watching her. Would I want to hang out with her in person? Probably not. Do I have any intention of purchasing her book Next Level Basic from the bargain bin at Barnes & Noble? No.
Who is Stassi to decide what’s “basic,” and what does the word even mean in that context? From what I can tell, basic refers to things Stassi doesn’t find cool, would never do, used to do but regrets them, or she still does them ironically. Stassi’s definition is pretty … basic. It’s all about someone like Scheana.
Even though Stassi hasn’t finished her actual book, she gets to live out her Carrie Bradshaw-esque fantasy — a cover shoot for her incomplete tome.
Stassi’s bigger problem is her personality. If she can’t stop being a complete a##hole to Beau, she might wind up swiping her days away on Tinder. Luckily, Katie has a plan: they go to see a witch who specializes in dealing with psychotic women.
Stassi’s got a “dark passenger.” She’s not obnoxious and judgmental because of her own insecurities. Stassi has a “beautiful soul” (according to Katie). S
tassi needs help from a witch to rid herself of the demonic presence responsible for all her outbursts. While none of this nonsense is basic, it’s a whole other level of something else — BS.
Another Vanderpump Rules cast member who’s dealing with the ramifications of his bad behavior is James. This particular storyline has gone on way too long. James can go from reformed bad boy to misogynistic jerk to a big crybaby in under a minute.
This is exactly how he reacts when Ariana and Tom tell him that because of the Lala dust-up at Billie’s last brunch, it’s not looking good for James to return to SUR. Does anyone care at this point? Does James even really care, or is this the only way he can remain relevant enough to stay on the show?
If things don’t turn around for James, he might lose his spot in the opening credits. There is still hope for James. Katie isn’t interested in organizing and promoting Girls’ Night In on a regular basis. Ken and Lisa may not miss James, but they do miss the profits from his See You Next Tuesday events.
James’ frustration doesn’t stem from the fact that he’s actually changed. He’s irritated he’s been putting on a show for this long, and he’s failing to reap any rewards. He’s not invited to parties, he doesn’t go on trips, and nobody wants to come to his girlfriend’s puppy shower.
Maybe the real source of James’ angst isn’t that he has to tow the line, it’s that Raquel makes him participate in this dumb party. Raquel has got a pretty face, but there isn’t much going on upstairs. She uses actual dog crap as part of a game instead of a substance less … fecal (melted candy bars).
James makes it perfectly clear there is an expiration date on his good behavior, and it’s quickly approaching.
Redemption is front and center on “The Exorcism of Stassi Schroeder.” During couples therapy, Jax is shocked to learn Brittany still has some trust issues. Jax is acting about as much as a fully functioning adult as viewers have ever seen. But given how low he set the bar, that’s not saying much.
It’s not just that Jax Taylor is a cheater and a liar, he’s also not the nicest guy. We get to see a few clips which remind us just how unpleasant Jax can be. He’s not big on accountability, he’s defensive, and he loves to deflect from his own mistakes by throwing his friends under the bus.
Brittany’s entire family is coming to town for the engagement party, and she is eager to show them how well she and Jax are doing (a little too eager). Jax manages to find the silver lining on any cloud: if he hadn’t treated Brittany so badly in the past, she wouldn’t be as strong a person as she is now.
If she can put up with the daily allotment of crap he throws her way, Brittany can endure anything. Not only is this ridiculous to hear, it’s even more astounding that Brittany appears to believe it herself.
The recipients of the “WTF Happened?” reward are Ariana and Kristen. On the 5th anniversary of Ariana’s father’s death, she bares her soul to Kristen of all people.
Kristen Doute better be careful. If she’s not spying on boyfriends (her own as well as other’s), behaving badly on trips, causing scenes in public, and screwing over her closest friends, she’s got zero purpose to stay on the show.
If bonding with Kristen over cocktails is how Ariana processes grief, Lala’s still figuring it out. She does allow her boyfriend (now fiancé) to pay for her to perform two new songs (one she wrote for her dad) for her friends and a few “record labels.”
Lala confides in Scheana that she’s got to stay clean and sober. Alcohol just triggers her anxiety and puts the fuel in her emotional roller coaster. Will a sober Lala be a nicer Lala? Only time and an apology to Raquel will tell.
There are some pretty heavy moments on the episode, but the Toms continue to provide comic relief. It feels as if their sole purpose on season 7 is to pull publicity stunts for TomTom.
Yes, I mean Lisa. She may have partners, but they aren’t Sandoval and Schwartz. Make no mistake, the one and only person really running the show in every sense of the word is LVP.
To make up for bouncing his investor check to Lisa, Schwartz decides to hand over the money in cash. “But that’s madness. Who would be stupid enough to walk around with $50,000 in cash (primarily dollar bills)?” Well, the answer to that question is Schwartz.
The likelihood of anyone robbing Schwartz would seem low since he’s surrounded by a camera crew. But, then again, he’s calling a ton of attention to himself since he’s surrounded by a camera crew.
Schwartz goes all out, shoving that money into a teeny suitcase he handcuffs to his well-coiffed body. Ken and Lisa are amused by the pomp and circumstance of it all. Schwartzy is pleased with himself overall, but he is a little disappointed this whole scenario didn’t end with him in flagrante with the real woman of his dreams, LVP.
Maybe Stassi’s witch can cast a love spell over Lisa on Schwartz’s behalf.
What did you think of this episode of Vanderpump Rules? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9/8c on Bravo.
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Jennifer Lind-Westbrook
Jennifer has been working as a freelance writer for six years, contributing to BuddyTV, Screen Rant, TVRage, Hidden Remote, Gossip On This, and PopMatters. She prefers binge-watching old episodes of The Office (British and American versions) to long walks on the beach. She's still holding out hope that Happy Endings will get a revival.