The Bachelor Recap: Shiny Objects (Season 23 Episode 6)

This episode of The Bachelor picks up right where Week 5 left off, with Colton storming off down the beach after his failed attempt to settle things between Nicole and Onyeka. It seemingly doesn’t take all that long for Colton to collect himself, as they quickly launch into…

The First Rose Ceremony

Colton calls (in order) Caelynn, Tayshia, Kirpa, Demi (“It’s my greatest pleasure to accept this rose”), Hannah G., and Katie. In an epically dramatic moment, the final rose is down to Onyeka, Nicole, and Sydney, and he picks Sydney, opting to send both the women at the heart of the current drama home.

Dang! Colton is not messing around this season. Also this is brilliant set-up for both Onyeka and Nicole to end up on Bachelor in Paradise. Even more drama!

Heather, Cassie, and Hannah B. already had roses from last week’s various dates, so they also live to love another week. The group departs Thailand and heads over to Vietnam. It’s insanely gorgeous.

One-On-One: Hannah G.

Sara Paxton Hannah G. (holder of the first impression rose) gets this week’s first solo date, and the women are not thrilled. Everybody is starting to feel the pressure because hometown dates — which are extremely significant — are only two weeks away.

Hannah G. and Colton get massages and facials and touch each other and kiss a lot. Colton is clearly very attracted to her — “smitten,” as he explicitly says.

Colton: I would definitely eat that sushi roll.

They have a lot of physical chemistry. That’s basically the takeaway of the date. It’s literally just a montage the two making out in various places, with close-ups of body parts.

Back at the mansion, Caelynn is super catty about Hannah G., suggesting that she’s relying on her beauty and has no depth. To her credit, Cassie doesn’t contribute much to the catty gossip, mostly just listening to Caelynn complain.

In the nighttime portion of the date, Hannah G. confesses that she’s not big on opening up and bottles stuff up. She then proceeds to open up about her parents’ hostile divorce. She tells a story about her mom wrecking her dad’s lawn on purpose, and Colton psychoanalyzes it a little bit. They bond over both having divorced parents.

Colton again echoes his “you remind me of home” sentiment to Hannah G. and promptly gives her the rose. I honestly don’t see how anyone but Hannah G. could win the final rose. She’s got this in the bag.

Hannah G. says that she’s falling in love with Colton in her confessional, and Colton similarly admits that he could picture Hannah G. being his wife and that he’s falling in love with her. That’s pretty significant, as this is the first woman he’s said that about.

Group Date: Vietnamese Fight Club

Demi, Sydney, Katie, Cassie, Hannah B., Tayshia, Caelynn, and Heather are chosen for the group date. Sydney and Demi are particularly upset at Kirpa being chosen for the week’s second one-on-one over the two of them — along with Katie and Hannah B., neither of them have gotten a one-on-one.

The theme of the date is learning the art of the Vietnamese fighting style Vovinam. Demi is in a really bad mood from jump, and it just gets worse when she loses in her face-off with Katie. Besides the Demi vs. Katie fight, there’s a lot of scream-laughing and hair flailing.

This group date is largely a downer because multiple women are feeling insecure about the status of their relationships with Colton. Tayshia approaches Colton and lets him know she needs some reassurance that he’s interested in continuing their relationship, which he gives to her. Katie is also experiencing doubts, and Colton similarly reassures her, but less convincingly.

Sydney and Tayshia sit to the side and vent, complaining that Colton is distracted by the other “shiny objects” type women — the more naturally flirty and bubblier ones.

Sydney, plagued by self-doubt, approaches Colton and basically demands to know why he’s not choosing her for a one-on-one and why he’s not opening up to her. He explains that he just moves at a different pace with different relationships. Sydney is not much reassured, and I can’t blame her. Colton clearly has his visible favorites — Cassie, the Hannahs, and Caelynn, specifically.

For Demi’s alone time with Colton, they call her mom, who was recently released from prison. It’s the first conversation she’s had with her mom not from a federal prison in years. This seems like a bit much, but who am I to judge?

Sydney makes the, I think, very mature decision to leave the competition on her own terms. She feels that she can’t get to the point she needs to get with Colton at this rate. He’s clearly a bit shaken by her decision, but he doesn’t really fight her on it. He also acknowledges that she gave up a lot to be here (her career as a dancer!!). She warns him to look for the great girls remaining in this group and not be distracted by “shiny things,” referring to the women she believes aren’t really ready for marriage (basically all of the blondes).

Sydney: Ultimately, he just didn’t want to let me in.

Bye Sydney! Looking forward to seeing you on Bachelor in Paradise.

Tayshia gets the group date rose.

One-On-One: Kirpa

I’m not really feeling the chemistry between Colton and Kirpa. She seems perfectly nice, but there’s just something missing. I don’t buy that she’s someone Colton “naturally and easily connects with.” They also spend a ton of the beginning of their date talking about Sydney leaving, and Kirpa visibly struggles to open up.

They have a cute boating date at sea, do some snorkeling, etc. In the evening portion, Kirpa admits she was engaged before to someone — a virgin! — that she was with for eight years. They discuss what went wrong in that relationship — she says they grew stagnant — before Colton asks whether she thinks she’ll be ready to be engaged again at the end of this.

Kirpa, quite rationally, replies that if things keep progressing in this manner, yes, she’d be down for that ring. I like Kirpa as a person; she seems cool, calm, and level-headed. I just don’t think she’s the woman for Colton, and I also don’t think Colton thinks Kirpa is the woman for him either.

Which is why it’s super confusing that he gives her the rose.

Demi’s Big Move

Kirpa gets back with her rose, to the surprise of a lot of the women who clearly felt sure she was going to be sent packing. Meanwhile, Demi puts on 40 pounds of hair extensions and her most Barbie-like outfit, then visits Colton in his room, apparently aiming to take his virginity.

Aggressive!

Instead of making any moves, though, Demi goes the emotional route. She tells Colton that she’s falling in love with him — and he promptly shuts her down. Hard. Ouch.

Demi clearly went into this thinking her confession would ensure she got the next one-on-one date, so she’s utterly blindsided. You can see the change in her face when Colton drops the big “but”: that he doesn’t know if he can get there with her and doesn’t know if he sees himself with her at the end of this. He opts to do the gentlemanly thing and just sends her home right then and there instead of making her wait through a rose ceremony.

She handles all this surprisingly well and thanks Colton for being honest. They have a big long hug, he compliments her a bunch, then she warns him against making the “safe choice” with one of the women still there. Who does she mean?!

Demi is crushed and goes to sob on the Hannahs’ shoulders before leaving the house.

Again: see you on Bachelor in Paradise, Demi! I’m looking forward to a Krystal-esque redemption arc for her there.

The Second Rose Ceremony

Colton opts to cancel the pre-ceremony cocktail party because he already knows what he wants to do. Cue the women’s panic.

He hands roses to (in order): Hannah B., Caelynn, Cassie, and Heather. That means Katie is sent packing, which is a bummer. She seems cool.

Interestingly, when Colton walks Katie out, she echoes a similar warning to what Sydney and Demi both said to him. She tells him there’s a great group of girls in there, but that some are ready for marriage and some aren’t. She warns him to be smart. Colton looks shook AF.

A rattled Colton babbles his fears to a producer. He admits that he thought Sydney was talking about Demi, had no idea who Demi might’ve been talking about, and now has no clue who Katie meant. To his credit, he tells the remaining women about what the three departing contestants said.

Colton: Am I f*cking missing something?

Tayshia has a bit of an odd (and slightly sinister) moment where she whispers to Kirpa “Let’s take this thing” and vows it’ll be them two at the end, right after a confessional where she says she thinks she knows who the warnings were about and is ready to spill some tea. Uhhhhh… OK.

And that’s it for the week. We’re in for an extremely blonde last few episodes, Bachelor fans!

What did you think of this episode of The Bachelor? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

 

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.

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