Shadowhunters Review: Raising Hell (Season 1 Episode 4)

Is it just me or is this episode of Shadowhunters phenomenally boring? And painfully awkward?

I hate to say it, because last week’s “Dead Man’s Party” did show some (vague) glimmers of hope. Unfortunately, much like Clary’s quest to regain her memories, the show’s quality took two major steps back this week in “Raising Hell.”

Simon and Clary’s relationship is the only one I care about even a little bit right now, so once it becomes clear that Simon and Clary are to remain completely separated for the bulk of this episode, I lose interest. Sorry, show. On top of that, Simon’s method of peacing out of Shadowhunters headquarters is incredibly lame and childish.

To summarize Simon’s bitchfit: “It’s not safe here! Jace, you’re a big square-jawed meany! Clary, come with me. No? GAHH, WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME??!” *storms out*

Not a good look, Simon. His one useful moment occurs in the opening five minutes of the episode, before he takes off, when he relates to Clary that the “Magnus” she’s been seeing in her dream-memories is probably the Magnus Bane that sexy lady vamp Camille mentioned to him stole Clary’s memories.

He spends the rest of the episode not doing a whole lot: he goes home, deals with intermittent and growing bloodlust and sensitivity to sunlight, breaks poor bandmate Maureen’s heart. In the closing moments, Simon makes his way back to chat with Camille.

Simon’s subplot throughout “Raising Hell” only begs one real question: why did exactly ZERO of the Shadowhunters stop to consider the possibility that Simon may have been turned? No one thought this could happen? No one thought to mention the possibility to Clary — “Hey, your BFF might have been turned into a creature of the night, FYI”? Why is everyone on this show so pretty but so, so dim?

Meanwhile, Clary is on a request to retrieve her “stolen” memories from Magnus. She keeps acting like Magnus forcibly took them against her will, but we pretty clearly saw her mother beg him to do it a few episodes back (and Clary knows that) so maybe chill out a little bit Clary, huh?

“Raising Hell” is basically a crash course in all things Magnus Bane. Here’s what we got:

• Guyliner. So. Much. Guyliner.
• He’s immortal.
• He goes both ways, and everybody within a four block radius should know about it. He’s dated Camille the vampire, and he boned Michelangelo.
• He’s got a thing for Alec (I mean, I don’t blame him. Though Alec is unattractively whiney right now, he’s got that whole square-jawed marble-cut hotness thing going for him).
• He really loves parties. Like, enough to risk his life and the life of all of his fellow warlocks to attend one, apparently.

The Shadowhunters capitalize on that last one, setting a meeting with Magnus at a “Downworlder” rave to trade a necklace he gifted Camille in exchange for access to Clary’s missing memories. They are basically just going off of blind faith that Clary’s missing memories contain the location of the cup. Logical!

Because things are liable to get “sticky,” Clary heads off with the rest of the team armed in a cleavage-bearing dress (borrowed from Izzy, who owns a never-ending supply of them, apparently) and a Seraph blade of her very own.

Naturally, Valentine’s men crash the rave and Magnus skedaddles. Who saw that coming, am I right?

Doesn’t matter regardless, because Magnus had previously fed the memories to a memory demon for “safe-keeping.” Why being ingested by a dangerous demon qualifies the memories as safely kept, who the heck knows. Clary “I’ll do anything to save my mother” Fray/Fairchild is totally down for risking everyone’s lives to summon the demon. She has to draw a pentagram with really nice chalk in order to summon it, because she’s an artist so let’s give her something to do with that, I guess.

When the demon arrives, it quickly becomes clear that Freeform blew their special effects budget on the first two episodes of the series. The memory demon is a bunch of smoke with black eyes. Painfully lame.

In exchange for Clary’s memory, the demon demands one memory of the one that each of the group loves the most. For Izzy, that’s Alec (cute!). For Clary, that’s her mother (also cute!). For Alec, that’s Jace (uh-oh). We don’t get to see who Jace or Magnus love the most because…

… Alec can’t deal with his crush on Jace being revealed, so he breaks the circle and releases the demon. For somebody who’s supposed to be this great warrior, Alec is kind of a big baby. I mean, it’s obviously a sensitive situation, but Magnus made pretty damn clear that breaking the circle was a huge no-no. He says it like four times in that one scene.

It’s also odd because everybody seems to already know about Alec’s feelings for Jace. Magnus and Izzy both try to assure him that it’s OK, but Alec isn’t in a place to confront his feelings and come clean about it, apparently.

The loosed demon sucks Jace up and Clary is forced to kill the demon (and her memories along with it) in order to save his life. While this completely torches any progress she’s made in her quest to save her mother, she is later rewarded with a bedroom visit from Jace wearing a thin, half-unzipped hoodie and no shirt under it, so I guess they’re square now.

Finally, I’m not going to pretend I know what’s going on with Valentine or Luke, or that I care at all. They each pop up for like ten seconds in “Raising Hell” and accomplish literally nothing. Valentine is a little spooky, addressing Clary when she vision-quests to check on her mom, but that’s about it.

Also, Valentine’s army continues to be the most useless bunch of mooks ever. They are so easily defeated! Over and over again! Are these guys really supposed to be a threat?

Cringeworthy Izzy Moment of the Week:

Isabelle: Most men like it when I admire their jewels.

Honestly… I have no words.

Other thoughts:

• Clary’s hair is perpetually flawless. All kinds of envy.
• David Guetta is a vampire. Naturally.
• “I was alive when the Dead Sea was just a lake that was feeling a little poorly,” says Magnus. I had to pause the episode and try to rinse my brain out after hearing that gem. Sometimes, the dialogue is so truly awful that you wonder if you actually heard it correctly. This is one of those times.
• Kudos to Maureen for putting herself out there and asking Simon on a date. Too bad he’s too busy transitioning into being a vampire to even consider it.
• Magnus/Alec’s meet cute is adorable. He finally got Alec to smile!
• There is about 40,000 times more chemistry in that Alec/Jace parabatai tracking moment than in literally any scene between Jace and Clary so far. Even Clary notices! “Oddly intimate” is right, girl.

What did you think of this episode of Shadowhunters? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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Shadowhunters airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Freeform.

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