The Righteous Gemstones Season 3 Episodes 8 and 9 Review: I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You / Wonders That Cannot Be Fathomed, Miracles That Cannot Be Counted

This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, The Righteous Gemstones being covered here wouldn’t exist.

The Righteous Gemstones Season 3 Episode 8, “I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You” and Episode 9, “Wonders That Cannot Be Fathomed, Miracles That Cannot Be Counted” deliver a packed, riveting finale. It’s hard to cover all the highlights in just one review. 

You could spend 1,000 words alone just unpacking the fact that Kelvin and Keef finally kissed after three seasons of one of the most excruciating “will-they-won’t-they”s of all time. The Righteous Gemstones is a mean show, but not cruel and there was never any doubt that the queer-coded relationship between Kelvin and Keef was done in good faith and not to bait fans.

Now, we can finally say our faith in the show paid off. Although the two don’t get an official label, it’s clear from the scene at the hospital through the ending of Episode 9 when he gets a thumbs up back from Eli that Keef is officially part of the family not just Kelvin’s “best buddy.”

Taking a step back now that I’ve gotten my excitement over that into words, Episode 8, “I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You” (written by Scott MacArthur, Danny McBride, and Edi Patterson and directed by Jody Hill) provides a great culmination to the growth of the sibling trio seen over the season.

They’re still acting like giant babies towards their dad about not paying Peter’s ransom, but they’re doing it in the most mature collaborative Gemstone way possible. Even Eli can’t be mad about their tantrum because he’s just so happy to see them working together and taking charge.

Character growth on The Righteous Gemstones may not be as pure and linear as in other shows, but it’s still there sneaking up on you under the dirty jokes and slapstick comedy. The family banding together through crisis makes the season feel coherent despite the subpar militia plot.

On this episode we see Peter lose control of his group which puts a big question mark over what was the point of spending so much time with them. Episode 9 answers that question in an unexpected and biblical way.

Episode 9, “Wonders That Cannot Be Fathomed, Miracles That Cannot Be Counted” (written by John Carcieri, Jeff Fradley, and Danny McBride and directed by Jody Hill), builds upon the reunions of the season with a set piece of biblical proportions. Where there’s a Baby Billy, there’s a way, and the Gemstones finally agree to film an episode of Bible Bonkers in a showdown against the Simpkins to win back Dusty Daniels’ fortune.

Just the game show, with the full set, theme song (Spotify drop when?), and Walton Goggins cheesing would be enough for a satisfying finale. It has plenty of tension and drama with the Gemstones getting their butts whooped early on in the game.

This is a show that built a monster truck just for a subplot, however, so of course there’s more in store than just the competition. Peter converges on the church with a rigged bomb before Gideon, May-May, and Eli confront him.

Thinking Karl is dead after he set off the last bomb while his dad wasn’t looking, Peter is willing to risk it all. Things look dire until the most insane thing to ever happen on the show (a high bar) happens — a swarm of locusts descends.

The Righteous Gemstones gives no scientific explanation for what happens nor plays it as a complete joke. The ensuing chaos is hysterical whether it’s someone getting crushed by a giant sign of Baby Billy’s face or John Goodman’s Eli tackle diving into a dumpster to save his son, but the plague itself is treated with pure reverence.

The Gemstones may not be good people, they may not even be good Christians, but they believe in a sign. It’s a sign that ends up saving their lives because it prevents Peter from blowing up the church (he still accidentally triggers the bomb when he knocks off his Fitbit killswitch swatting at a bug, but he drives it away and survives).

For as much as The Righteous Gemstones makes fun of religious institutions and their rules, it also believes that faith and family can be real motivating factors for good. Even Peter, who literally tried to kill them, gets redemption after this plague brings them together.

Whereas the Y2K apocalypse was a scam that tore the families apart, this is the real deal and provides a fresh start for the families. The closing scene of both families getting together for a picnic where they use the monster truck to run over junk is as touching as it gets.

The appearance of Aimee-Leigh’s ghost in this scene should be cringe, but we’ve already seen her as a cheesy hologram. So in a way, her actual ghost showing up and fondly looking over how far her family has come provides the sweetest closing note on a season where her absence is an underlying theme.

What did you think of these episodes of The Righteous Gemstones? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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The Righteous Gemstones airs Sundays at 10/9c on HBO.

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