Stargirl Review: Pilot (Season 1 Episode 1)

I go into Stargirl with very low expectations, yet somehow I am still let down. The paint-by-numbers plot and forced humor bring absolutely nothing to the table. In fact, Stargirl devolves the entire superhero genre back to the days of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Stargirl Season 1 Episode 1, “Pilot,” starts promising enough. A showdown between a slew of superheroes and a gang of super-criminals is the perfect way to set the pace for adventure. Quickly things dissolve when we focus on the low-quality costumes these characters are decked out in.

Seriously, I’ve seen better cosplay at comic book conventions.

Normally I may be more forgiving of this knowing the show airs on a lower budgeted channel, but since this show was originally slotted to view exclusively on DC’s streaming service, I feel okay judging it more harshly. If fans are supposed to shell out an extra amount of cash every month, then give them something their hard-earned money is worth. 

While the action is passable within the first five minutes, the dialogue is a completely different story. I understand that the JSA contains a long list of heroes that don’t jump to mind immediately in this day and age, but is it really necessary for Pat to say each character’s name aloud the moment they pop up on the screen? Couldn’t there have been a more organic way for these character’s names to be mentioned rather than Pat shouting it as he watches them die?

After these less than damnable sins unfold in the first handful of minutes, I try to keep myself from getting too irritated. I continually tell myself that this is only a pilot and not to expect too much. Every show is allowed a few missteps right off the bat, they just need to get their footing first. 

While this is true in and of itself, the predictability of this extremely uncreative origin story is something else altogether. The plot points seem peeled from a ’90s teen flick with very little regard to updating the scenario to modern times.

Courtney is being forced to move by her soon-to-be stepdad, and she isn’t happy about it. She also has trouble fitting in at her new school and is lumped in with the “losers” at a specific lunch table. 

Blah, blah, blah. This is just a rehash of a reboot of a ripoff.

Honestly, I would feel better if she was one of the bullies and learns her lesson the hard way. At least then we could get a feeling for a theme, or a fair amount of morals to direct us towards something of a lesson learned.

Instead, we get our titular character merely one-upping her civilian nemeses like they are in a game of pranks looking to be crowned king. What is the message here? Blow up the bully’s car for being a jerk? Kind of extreme isn’t it?

To top that off, the indefensible act of arson isn’t even punished. I’m surprised at this point that the rather annoying Pat doesn’t pop in and say, “Kids will be kids.”  

Worse is the fact that Courtney uses the secrets she learns about her stepdad as a manipulation device to keep his mouth shut. This is the teen hero we need and want? I beg to differ.

Don’t worry, all the other characters have their flaws as well — it comes with the territory. Of course, every person has their faults. The problem is they forgot to add any likable traits to these characters along the way. 

These one-dimensional characters are nothing short of boring. While I can’t expect too much character development in the first episode, at least I would like to feel something for these people. Empathy, sympathy, animosity, whatever.

At best, these people are relatable if you have been in similar circumstances. Outside of that, none of them elude to any depth of emotion or deeper meaning. Which is sad because if you can pull in a talented actor like Luke Wilson, use him for crying out loud!

Pat: That would be the coincidence to end all coincidences.

Aside from his dull dad jokes and paper-thin personality, Pat only comes off as a dollar store version of Steve Rogers. It isn’t believable at any point that this guy could have pulled off any sort of heroics — not even as a sidekick. That says a lot from me because I am a huge fan of sidekicks in general.

When he attempts to convince Courtney that she is wrong about her father being the hero known as Starman, it only further cements the fact that he most likely is. If you are going to try and piece this important nugget of information together on the first episode, at least do something more with it. Leaving it as a badly acted scene between two characters and giving us little reason to care, feels like unneeded drama taped to a storyboard. 

As the episode concludes, I am left empty.

There is no hope within me right now that Stargirl will get any better with the coming episodes. Even if it does get marginally better soon, I’m not sure that I care. The stench of failure is strong with this one.

I’ll admit Batwoman Season 1 Episode 1, “Pilot,” wasn’t my cup of tea either, but it fared much better than this stinky heap of manure. The character of Batwoman was intriguing enough to lure me into tuning back in and see where things went. Stargirl on the other hand, leaves me with nothing but the desire to change the channel. 

What did you think of this episode of Stargirl? Are you going to tune in for the next episode? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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Stargirl airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

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