Veronica Mars Re-Watch: Ahoy, Mateys! (Season 2 Episode 8)

Neptune is peak-Neptune on Veronica Mars Season 2 Episode 8, “Ahoy Mateys!” New players enter the bus crash madness, Duncan is torn between Dream Meg and Dream Veronica, the real Veronica lands in a chokehold, and Logan finds himself at gunpoint. It’s a completely normal day, right?

My heart breaks for Logan because he is officially the Meredith Grey of this show. His father abuses him, his mother dies by suicide, his father murders his ex-girlfriend, he is arrested on suspicion of murder and his house burns down.

Now, we learn that his pediatrician even lost his license for selling illegal prescription meds. What hasn’t happened to this poor kid?

I was all aboard the LoVe train in Season 1, but the more I think about it, the more they concern me. Logan is only sweet to Veronica when he needs something—not the hallmark of the healthiest relationship.

Let’s be crystal clear, though: I’m still trash for these two. Even when Logan comes in wielding a gun that Veronica later rips him for, I find myself fist-bumping the air like my sports team scored a goal.

When that iron-clad “I’m a dick” façade fades away, Logan is very sensitive and caring. We only see him this way with Veronica. Healthy aside, that’s the hallmark of something special.

Although, Veronica, we need to talk. I defend you when people underestimate your maturity because despite your stubbornness, you’re pretty damn smart. But you left the “smart” at home with this whole Danny Boyd sitch.

“I don’t need to know your name, honey, just tell me you’re eighteen,” should be the first clue that Boyd is a Creepy McCreepface, but Veronica insists on going all Hannah and following Luke P.– I mean, Boyd—into the Fighting Fitzpatricks’ lair. Yes, “Neptune’s first family of crime” is an important bus crash puzzle piece, but at what cost?

The hatred in Neptune and the lengths people go to express that hatred baffles me. An underground “pirate radio show” bashing the kids at Neptune High is almost as ridiculous as the name Cap’n Krunk. Imitation Crab is at least a quality pun, but that “if I were his mother, I’d kill myself, too,” quip about Logan goes way too far.

While we’re back on the topic of Logan, one of the most annoying things on television is the TV punch. You know the one, where a character opens a door or rounds a corner, is met by one, lone fist and then promptly knocked unconscious.

I realize that the one-punch knockout is a real thing, but I have more faith in a UFC fighter than I do a member of Weevil’s crew to successfully perform one. Poor Logan.

Since a possible concussion is not enough suffering for a guy who has been through everything mentioned in the second paragraph, let’s now also play Russian Roulette with another gun. At this rate, I don’t think I will ever understand this fictional town.

So, it wasn’t Logan who stabbed Felix that fateful night on the bridge? This revelation confuses Weevil as much as it does me. Where was Logan when all of this was going down?

Just leave. Logan. ALONE. That’s all I ask. Is it really so hard?

Don’t answer that.

The Marcos/Ryan story is heartbreaking, but all sympathy for Ryan goes out the window when we find out he is the one leaving toy buses in Marcos’ parents’ house. In my experience, hatred takes a lot of energy that is just not worth it.

The way these kids treat each other begs the question: aside from the Echols family and Keith Mars, where are the other adults in this town? These kids are dealing with serious issues far beyond a private eye’s expertise. I can’t help but wonder if Ryan would act this way if there were an alternative way to conquer his grief.

Triggering the adult inside of me is what I get for waiting fifteen years to finally watch this show.

Duncan is aloof in this episode since according to Dream-Meg, he is dealing with a problem that only he can solve. The opening dream sequence featuring Veronica clad head-to-toe in an outfit that screams, “I bought this at Hot Topic in the year 2000” is hilarious. If I close my eyes long enough, I can hear Good Charlotte playing in the background of said store.

What on Earth does “you can save me” mean? Meg’s parents suck, but are they so bad that they could do something to help her, but won’t? Duncan does not show a ton of emotion, so the way his eyes widen, and he sits forward in his chair in the final scene has me intrigued.

What did you think of this episode of Veronica Mars? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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