The Bachelorette Recap: Season 15 Premiere (Season 15 Episode 1)
On The Bachelorette Season 15 Premiere, Hannah Brown, aka “Hannah B.,” meets 30 potential suitors and breaks some hearts on night one.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year for florists, topical cold sore manufacturers, D-list musical acts, the University of Alabama, romantics, cynics, and, of course, Bachelor Nation. Hannah, the Southern beauty queen with a million dollar smile, begins her search for Mr. Right.
There are a few things you should know about Hannah B.: she’s sincere, honest, genuine and less-than-perfect. She also loves to echo the battle cry of the Alabama Crimson Tide “Roll Tide!,” so expect to hear it ad nauseaum (at least in the beginning).
The initial meet-and-greet can be a bit of a snore, even when the guys pull out all the stops to make the most memorable first impression. It’s hard to differentiate between a bunch of hair cuts in suits; a cattle drive of potential studs being corralled into the mansion to meet the prize heifer (that is in no way a swipe at Hannah’s weight or overall appearance).
There are a few standouts who get their own brief intros prior to meeting Hannah, so you should usually keep your eyes on these guys for reasons both good and bad. Their looks, professions, and personalities are reminiscent of a millennial upgrade of the Village People:
Tyler C., 26, a contractor who loves to dance; Peter, 27. a totes adorbs airline pilot; Mike Johnson, 31, an Air Force veteran who considers his great-grandmother his first love; Joe,30, the self-proclaimed “Box King” of Chicago; Matt Donald, 26, a salesman with an affinity for livestock; Connor J.,28, a car salesman; and Luke P., 24, an “importer/exporter” who used to be a man whore who found God … in the shower.
Hannah immediately sets the tone for her upcoming cocktail party looks. The girl can rock a sequined gown with a thigh-high split. It can be tricky to keep the honey pot covered, but she does a good job since we don’t see any black bars over her naughty bits.
It’s just shy of agonizingly painful to recap every entrance, bad pun, gift, and gimmick Hannah endures. So I won’t. But I will give a rundown of the ones who could be serious contenders for Hannah’s attention or just make for good TV.
There’s Garrett, 27, an Alabama-based golf pro; Jed, 25, a singer/songwriter from Nashville who hits it out of the park by serenading Hannah (and being good at it); John Paul Jones, 24, who looks like a creepy James Van Der Beek, and whose profession is literally being himself; and the five guys who got a jump start at winning over Hannah on “AFR.”
These include the aforementioned Luke P., as well as Luke S., Dustin, Cam (who actually earned the very first rose), and Connor S.
The men size each other up, and it’s a bit puzzling how concerned Matt Donald comments on the overall studliness of his fellow contestants. That’s a man with either a big secret or someone who is very secure in himself and can appreciate an Alpha male or two.
In my mind, the cocktail party must reek of cheap cologne and desperation. Everybody wants a piece of Hannah. This Bachelorette can’t emphasize enough how genuine she wants these guys to be. Transparency is key.
On a reality TV dating show where many of the competitors are just hanging on long enough to catch some fame, hopefully make it to the big show (The Bachelor), or lick their wounds on Bachelor in Paradise, her naivete is unsettling.
Three guys make it to first base with Hannah — Luke P., Connor S., and Cam. Luke P. is also the recipient of the all-important first impression rose.
Perhaps expecting a drama-free evening, the producers drag out Hannah’s fellow Bachelor Season 23 castoffs, Demi Burnett and Katie Morton, to help out their gal pal.
Somebody reached out to Demi on social media to drop the bomb that one of Hannah’s would-be suitors actually has a girlfriend waiting for him at home. The specifics are murky, but this is a blatant set-up, it’s just unclear who’s in on it and who isn’t.
The man in question is Scott, 28, and Hannah wastes no time confronting him about his trifling ways. Like most men, he’s a terrible liar, and even if he’s not quite the D-bag he’s painted to be, he’s bad news. Hannah kicks him out.
All of this fabricated drama does eat up a chunk of time, meaning the more boring hopefuls don’t get to sit down with Hannah. While she’s apologetic about not getting to have some one-on-one time with everyone, she’s just got to follow her heart.
Hannah narrows the field by seven, sending home nobody of consequence with the possible exceptions of the Box King and Matt Donald. At least we’re spared an endless array of double entendres involving the word package.
What did you think of this episode of The Bachelorette? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.
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Jennifer Lind-Westbrook
Jennifer has been working as a freelance writer for six years, contributing to BuddyTV, Screen Rant, TVRage, Hidden Remote, Gossip On This, and PopMatters. She prefers binge-watching old episodes of The Office (British and American versions) to long walks on the beach. She's still holding out hope that Happy Endings will get a revival.