Riverdale: Top 4 Biggest Moments from ‘Chapter Thirty: The Noose Tightens’ (Season 2 Episode 17)

There are quite a few things I like about Riverdale Season 2 Episode 17, “Chapter Thirty: The Noose Tightens.”

Unfortunately, there are also some major issues — largely when it comes to our redheaded “hero,” Archie Andrews. Although, is he even supposed to be a hero at this point? I’m rapidly losing faith, possibly even faster than Archie’s disgruntled mom.

But I digress…

That caveat aside, here are the inarguably biggest moments — both good and bad — to come out of “Chapter Thirty: The Noose Tightens.”

That Choni kiss

Hands down, the best storyline of the episode follows Cheryl’s rescue from the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, a mission spearheaded by Toni — and not just because the climax of the storyline is a perfect first kiss!

That cinematography, tho!

But let’s back up a bit.

Basically every part of this story is pure campy ridiculousness, in the most Riverdale way imaginable. To start, Cheryl is locked up in an orphanage run by nuns who also do a bit of illegal gay conversion therapy on the side. What decade is it, indeed.

Then, Toni assembles the girl crew — namely Veronica and Josie — to figure out where Cheryl really is. I love the detail that they know something is up because Cheryl hasn’t posted on social media in days. Ms. Blossom would never let her online presence suffer like that, obvs.

I really enjoy the initial team-up of Veronica, Josie, and Toni, largely because there hasn’t been much of a focus on the female friendship at the core of the series (Betty and Veronica) this season. Understandably, Josie dips out of the rescue mission once Penelope drops the bomb about Cheryl’s former obsession with her (more on that below in “Other Thoughts”).

That leaves Veronica and Toni, who team up for an excellent adventure rescuing Cheryl from the Sisters — with a bit of an assist from Kevin and his encyclopedic knowledge of Riverdale’s gay history.

Everything from their mission outfits — Veronica’s skintight bodysuit! What? Why? Who cares! — to the moment Toni bursts into the movie room to find a weeping Cheryl is fantastic.

The writers have done a great job of making us root for Cheryl and for Choni in record time. It’s hard not to feel for Cheryl during her captivity. In particular, her clear surprise that Toni came to rescue her at all — she obviously didn’t think anyone was coming for her — is incredibly moving.

I didn’t love the idea of the gay conversion therapy storyline at this juncture in Cheryl’s journey and that it seemed to amount to just more torture porn for her. That said, I love that it doesn’t linger on for too long, and the resolution of it on “Chapter Thirty: The Noose Tightens” is pretty fantastic. A+ all around.

FP and Alice are hooking up now, maybe?

Alice has quite a difficult few days throughout “Chapter Thirty: The Noose Tightens.” But in the end, maybe it’s kinda worth it because it all pushes her right into FP’s arms.

Present-day Falice is canon, y’all!

The sexual tension between the two is always great, but I particularly love seeing them work together as concerned parents and, incidentally, co-conspirators in a murder cover-up.

Chic proves that he’s truly the WORST by inviting more trouble into the Coopers and Joneses lives. He inexplicably tips off the girlfriend (Darla) of the drug dealer he killed (Dwayne) that he has some involvement in Dwayne’s death.

This is such a boneheaded, illogical move that I’m inclined to think it’s all an act and that Chic knew exactly what he was doing. But to what end?

The end result is that Chic is forced to move out of the house for bringing so much drama, and Alice ends up at FP’s doorstep in yet another truly excellent outfit. I can’t find too much fault with either of these developments, so the Alice-centric portion of this episode is solidly positive.

Peak unbearably smug Archiekins

If you’ve followed my Riverdale reviews at all this season, you’re probably not surprised that I hate every minute Archie is onscreen on “Chapter Thirty: The Noose Tightens.” I truly did not think he could get worse and then he went and got worse!

And no, for the record, the sweaty arm wrestling scene doesn’t improve things.

This show is always a little to a lot absurd, depending on the day. Usually, I can take the campiness in stride, if the overall story is enjoyable.

Archie’s wannabe The Godfather nonsense with Hiram is decidedly not enjoyable.

I’m not sure at this point whether the writers are actively working to make Archie as smug and unlikable as possible. But if that’s the goal, it’s working. And how!

The gist: In the wake of Hermione’s mayoral run announcement, Hiram’s former allies become uncomfortable with the spotlight it will potentially put on their illegal activities. In exchange, they demand an unreasonable portion of the prison profits, thereby torpedoing Hiram’s attempts to “go legitimate.”

Somehow, this all results in Archie leading his gang of high school football players to blow up the mobsters’ car, after Hiram’s rivals get “turncoat Adams” to send a violent message.

Truly, there is nothing this group of mindless teens (now going by the hilariously awful name “The Dark Circle”) won’t do for King Archie. The boy wonder also winds up with a blue convertible for his efforts — one he’s instructed to use to chauffeur Veronica around town.

Are we supposed to find this weird new dynamic between Archie and Veronica charming or sexy or something? Because it’s not. It’s weird. Really weird.

Archie doesn’t come across as strong or protective or sexy. He comes across as a doormat and, quite frankly, as Hiram’s bitch. It’s not a good look.

Once again, I find myself cheering loudest when Mary Andrews lays into her son and demands to know who he has become.

Archie was never the best or most interesting character throughout Season 1, but Season 2 has torpedoed him (and Varchie, to a degree) to the point where I’m not sure it can ever be recovered.

Betty goes full Serpent

Alas, Betty’s extremely cringeworthy striptease wasn’t enough to get her full Serpent credentials.

The crew’s dissatisfaction with her (and Alice) comes to light when Team Bughead faces off with Varchie and Josie/Reggie (Rosie?) in the student council election.

Sweet Pea and the gang’s dislike of Betty comes across as rather sudden and thinly-conceived, given Betty correctly pointing out all she’s done for the Serpents over the past few months. But in the end, the writers manage to tie it all together nicely, when Jughead leads the Serpents to rescue the Coopers from Darla and Chic’s meathead former boss.

Jughead busting through Alice’s front door and then later apologizing to her for wrecking it is approximately 10,000 times sexier than the sum total of everything Archie has done this season. Sorry; facts are facts.

In the end, the rescue inspires Alice to reconcile her negative view of the Serpents and apologize to them, allowing both Betty and herself into their inner circle. Hopefully, this inspires more interesting storylines for Betty and Alice and a lot less circling-the-wagon with the Chic stuff.

Other thoughts:

• Uh-oh. Uncle Claudius doesn’t look too thrilled when he finds Nana Rose tipping Toni off to Cheryl’s whereabouts. Is this the end for Nana Rose? On the bright side, it is sort of sweet that Toni’s importance to Cheryl made such an impression on Nana that the old woman knows exactly who to call to save her granddaughter.
• Azura Skye plays Darla, but I’ll always remember her best as the doomed Cassie Newton from Buffy the Vampire Slayer way back in the day. She’s really great at creepy/vaguely menacing roles.
• Thanks to crappy Mama Blossom, Josie now knows that Cheryl was obsessed with her and lowkey stalking her earlier this season. On the one hand, I’m glad that this strangely shoehorned storyline is finally coming back around. On the other hand, I hope they end up actually resolving it. Is it possible that Cheryl did sketch Josie but that someone else was the pig heart sender? I can’t remember whether that was confirmed, but here’s hoping.
• Having Kevin and Moose in those black-and-white anti-gay “PSA” videos the Sisters have Cheryl watch is a nice touch. I’m still shipping those two!
• Reggie Mantle: “chill, unlike these guys.” Truer words have never been spoken.
• The episode’s ending is a bit weird but HOT DAMN am I excited to see Cheryl as Carrie White in the musical episode!

What did you think of this episode of Riverdale? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

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