Zoo Review: Collision Point (Season 2 Episode 3)

Just when you think you’ve seen every cheesy animal attack that exists on television, you haven’t.

Zoo, the groundbreaking pioneer of the wine-bear, gives us a special treat in this week’s episode “Collision Point” — ants that electrocute humans from the inside, and want to take over a particle accelerator.

Yeah. You read that correctly.

I’m going to blow past all of the science jargon that Mitch treated us to this week. Again…science is hard.

Science aside, I don’t understand a few things here, for example, why aren’t they just stepping on all of the ants? One giant steam roller should probably do the trick.

They’re ANTS. There seems to be an obvious solution here, at least for the immediate proximity.

I also find it INSANE that a building called “LPA” exists. The building is literally called “Large Particle Accelerator.”

The building is one big old neon sign that begs for bad guys to take it over. Are these ants the villains in a cheesy ’90s Ninja Turtles movie, or something?

The ants kill Eleanor, the only person in the government who was willing to help the Zoo Crew. One of them climbs into her mouth, and electrocute her from the inside. It’s gross.

Even more gross is Mitch sucking fluid out of her spine with a plastic drinking straw. Suddenly, I’m wondering what the heck I’m watching. Is this show about animals or seeing how many ways Billy Burke can MacGyver medical stuff?

I understand why the show needs to spend so much time on the ant thing, despite the many, many things that don’t add up about it. It leads to revelations about the plan that the government is moving forward with, The Noah Project, which essentially will create a flood, killing the animals — and millions of people.

The story that I find more interesting in the hour is Jamie’s.

Her black toe really needs to be severed and her new traveling companion, Logan, is way too attached to his duffelbag of cash…and the photos of her alongside the Jacksons, Franklins, and Hamiltons.

I don’t buy his story. The idea that he’s a former pilot who escaped from the people who are looking for Jamie is too easy. Remember what happened the last time Jamie trusted a handsome guy? He was an evil CIA agent, and she killed him.

At least this time, she’s got the gun in plain sight, and Logan knows that she has the upper hand, even if she’s got one less toe.

Dealing with Logan isn’t Jamie’s only problem on the way to Caraquet. There are killer beavers moving rivers with their dam-building skills. I can’t help but laugh at the beaver’s little hand rubbing. What a villainous fuzzy CGI beaver he was!

I want Jamie to be reunited with the rest of the crew. They can’t keep Jamie and Mitch separated for this long. It’s off. The balance of the Crew isn’t the same without Jamie, and her new substitute, Dariela, isn’t working for me.

Dariela IS working for Abe. As I predicted, Abe and Dariela wasted no time in doing the nasty. Good for Abe.

I’m hoping now that Abe has come close to losing someone that he (maybe?) cares about, he will be more understanding of Mitch’s anger towards him. Mitch and Jamie never got to do the nasty. Or, perhaps more importantly, confess their feelings for one another.

I’m growing tired of Chloe. What is her purpose other than being the go-between for the Zoo Crew and the government? She’s not very likable, and her love story with Jackson is SO far on the back burner that new viewers may not even realize that the two are in a relationship.

Speaking of Jackson, those ants? They don’t care about the handsome zoologist because he’s mutating too, and now it looks like Mitch knows.

SERIOUSLY?! Moments:

• Why do they know how to build an electric chair?
• How did they not grab a can of Raid and spray away? It feels like they missed a big product placement deal here.
• Why does every villain on television hit a button on a computer and suddenly wipe files and shut down servers? I can barely stop my computer from opening too many windows and end up hitting a thousand keys to fix it. What is this one mysterious button and where on the keyboard is it located?
• I have to go back to Mitch sucking spinal fluid out of Eleanor with a straw. Is that even possible? I’ve had a spinal tap. It was far more invasive than a hotel steak knife and the straw that came with my Diet Coke can.
• How did Dariela stay alive? Is she immune to electric shocks that kill an even stronger electric ant that’s crawling around inside of her?
• Jamie’s gun went off when her toe got chopped. So… is Logan dead now? Or is Jamie going to pull some Mitch-level science stuff, and perform bullet brain surgery using only the dirty axe and a can of Axe body spray?

What did you think of this episode of Zoo? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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Zoo airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on CBS.

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