Where You Lead, I Will Follow: The Gilmore Girls Effect

When I was growing up, mothers were mothers.

I don’t mean this in a bad way. I love my mother more with every day that passes, and I realize all she did to help me become the person that I am today. (If this isn’t you today, then, I promise, give it a few years. It will be.)

But, still mothers in my day (and my day isn’t as far back as the use of that phrase makes it seem) scolded you. They made sure you ate your vegetables, got your homework done, brushed your teeth, behaved like a lady (whatever that means), and in general, that you got on with your life in the best way possible.

They weren’t your confidants, your shopping partners, or your binge-watching companions. They were your mothers, and that was it.

At least, until Lorelai Gilmore made her appearance.

Gilmore Girls ran from the year 2000-2007, and though its impact on pop culture wasn’t necessarily immediate (no one was about to go dump years of parenting advice to follow the footsteps of a fictional character), there’s a lot to the Lorelai Gilmore school of parenting that I now see applied in mother/daughter relationships on TV, books, and even in real life.

It’s only been eight years since we last got a glimpse of how life in Stars Hollow has been treating the Lorelais, but today, their influence is felt more than ever before.

Today, mothers go shopping with their daughters; they have the same favorite shows, listen to the same music, and yes, sometimes even share the same clothes.

Today, mothers and daughters discuss their potential love lives without passing judgment, occasionally ask each other for advice, and even share funny memes when things go wrong, wrong, wrong.

Today, mothers are not only there to encourage, discourage, point out the good things and/or the bad things, or react after a fact.

No, today mothers are there in the moment, because today, mothers aren’t just mothers. They’re friends. Best friends, even.

I’m not just talking about mothers on TV, either. I’m talking about your mother, and mine, and your best friend’s mother who you always wanted to ask for advice, and that charming lady from that book you read the other day, and, yes, the one from that TV show your sister watches.

It’s like they’ve taken over. We’ve accepted them. Lorelai Gilmore has gone from the exception, to the norm.

Now, this doesn’t mean that mothers these days don’t disagree and/or have different opinions about life, love, and hell, even crop tops, but mother/daughter relationships today are more about the good things, about being there through thick and thin, than about a specific role television (books, and the media in general) determined parents and/or kids should play in each others’ lives.

Like I said, it’s a completely different narrative, one that began in the year 2000, thanks to a quirky show about a woman who was forced to grow up at the same time as her daughter did.

It used to be that parents on TV were supportive at best, and, more often than not, a roadblock, a plot device. Parents were there to create complications for their kids, especially on shows aimed towards teenagers.

Lorelai Gilmore, however, was there to do the best for Rory, an instinct driven by mother’s love, yes, but also by a BFF’s view of her daughter.

Because Rory was, and is, her mother’s best friend.

On Gilmore Girls, there wasn’t the kid’s storyline and the parents’ storyline – not really. Lorelai and Rory lives were so intertwined that, at times, it almost didn’t feel like this relationship could ever work out. (Remember when they didn’t talk to each other for months?)

My mother, for example, always hated the show. She said it was unnatural. Parents are supposed to be parents. I guess she just never gave it a chance. She never sat down, looked into Lorelai’s eyes and tried to understand her parenting philosophy.

Because, if she had, then maybe she would have realized that they agreed on much more than they disagreed.

It was about the end result, not about the way. It was about making your kid feel loved and respected. It was about the easy love when that love was working, and the tough love when it wasn’t, and the really, really though love when neither of those were working. It was survival parenting at its best.

And it was glorious.

Of course, it wasn’t perfect. Maybe it wasn’t even ideal. But it worked (it works). For Rory, and for us. We learned as kids what we will, hopefully, one day, put in practice as mothers.

We learned that we didn’t have to keep secrets. We learned that if we tried, despite the age-difference, they really could understand us. We understood that they could mess up, and so could we. We became better.

And it was all thanks to the Gilmore Girls.

Nine years ago, when the show ended, I didn’t have this kind of relationship with my mother. But today we do.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, and it’s easier for me to understand the woman she was when she first had me. Maybe it’s because she’s learned to relax.

Or maybe, maybe it’s because Lorelai Gilmore taught me that it can be done. You can be best friends first, parent and child second. It’s even preferable. After all, no one loves you better than your mom – and that’s pretty much a requisite of friendship, right?

Agree? Disagree? Have any cool mother/daughter anecdotes? Share with us in the comments!