Vanderpump Rules Recap: FOMO in Mexico (Season 7 Episode 17)
On Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 17, “FOMO in Mexico,” Stassi’s insecurities threaten her relationship with Beau. Kristen goes out of her way to revamp her image.
The trip to Mexico starts off with a bang (and not the good kind) with some “vintage” Schwartz and Katie. These two don’t strike unless they’re sure they’ll draw blood. But like toddlers at pre-school fighting over a toy, they get tired and move on.
All Katie wants is some TLC from Schwartzy, and he realizes that in the future, it’s best not to take an upgrade to first class and leave your wife back in coach with the rabble. Just like it wasn’t about the pasta, Katie’s wrath isn’t over the seating arrangements, it’s about quality time.
Despite getting off to a rocky start, the first group dinner is chill. Kristen, who continuously reminds everyone she has incredibly small ear canals, is determined to shed her “Crazy Kristen” moniker. Good thing she doesn’t hear Jax at the other end of the table, reminiscing about past group trips to Mexico.
Jax still believes Kristen and James hooked up season 6, even though all he’s got as proof are misplaced cushions and his male intuition. That’s semen under the bridge, and rehashing the incident at all doesn’t make for good, trashy drama.
Ariana decides to pull Lala aside to discuss The Row star’s recent erratic behavior. The death of Lala’s father has transformed her into an even meaner girl, and Ariana is concerned about Lala’s lashing out.
Ariana doesn’t think Lala’s grief is a good enough excuse to call Billie Lee out for being “boring to look at.” This is a transgender woman whose been dealing with a lifetime of insecurities about her appearance. But Lala is so #sorrynotsorry. If you’re a c**t to Lala, she’s going to be a c**t right back.
What fans may not realize is Ariana’s father passed away in 2013. This is the same year Kristen goes on a rampage, insisting Tom Sandoval cheated on her with Ariana. Throughout the subsequent season 3, Kristen makes it her mission to torpedo Sandoval and Ariana’s romance, hoping for Ariana to get hit by a “bus, plane, or train.”
Kristen’s behavior was despicable at the time but knowing how much Ariana was already hurting, it’s ah-mazing Ariana doesn’t lose her mind. After hearing this story, Ariana’s point about self-control goes right over Lala’s head. Lala thinks it’s epic fail on Ariana’s part that she doesn’t verbally — or even physically — eviscerate her enemies.
Nice try, Ariana, but Lala isn’t worried about losing a stupid hostess job and not about to let anyone tell her how to grieve.
Ariana asks Lala one simple favor: the next time Lala sees red, she needs to seek out Ariana ASAP (take note because I predict this convo will be relevant later on).
Stassi, head of this brat pack, reaches into her old bag of tricks and decides to torture poor Beau. It’s a drunken Stassi who suggests a girls’ only skinny dip in the ocean but later poops out. The gang is waiting, chanting “puke and rally,” and Beau urges his lady-love to live a little.
Beau has what is commonly called Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). Who has two thumbs and wants to party and enjoy his vacation? Stassi’s squeeze. Beau may be suffering from a scorching case of FOMO, but Stassi’s dealing with Past Boyfriends Stress Disorder (PBSD). She assumes Beau is going to turn out to be a douche-y as her exes.
Praise be to the powers at Bravo for turning FOMO into a parody of a prescription drug commercial. Vanderpump Rules is really embracing its own absurdity this season. In case you’re curious, the cure for FOMO is quick and easy — tequila.
With each new day, comes fresh hope and a wicked hangover. Stassi is contrite-ish, but ya just know she’s going to do it again.
The group climbs into some ATVs and head to a picturesque swimming hole where Jax decides to give Stassi some relationship advice. WHAAAAATTTTTTT??????! Yes, Jax is dispensing nuggets of wisdom when it comes to love. Granted, he knows how Stassi can be, and he makes a genuine effort to save her from herself.
He warns Stassi to change her evil ways or risk losing a “gem.” Jax has a bit of a man crush on Stassi’s significant other, and if Stassi’s relationship doesn’t work out this time, Beau may get custody of all her friends.
After the Toms check in with Lisa who is actually hard at work running TomTom, they learn the new West Hollywood hot spot has a line around the block. This calls for a celebration which means a whole lot of drinking. some Sapphic activity, nudity, and Ariana making imaginary snow angels on the floor of the hotel.
But it isn’t a party until a relationship gets broke. Stassi pulls a Groundhog Day and pitches a fit because Beau wants to cut loose. Oh, Stassi. You don’t want to beat his will to live out of him this soon.
Beau is ready to settle down with his first wife. Then you emasculate him, turning into the guy who holds your purse in the corner. When your looks go, he’ll move on to wife and family number two. Making Beau cry this early in the game is wasted energy.
Can’t we all just get along?
What did you think of this episode of Vanderpump Rules? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9/8c on Bravo.
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Jennifer Lind-Westbrook
Jennifer has been working as a freelance writer for six years, contributing to BuddyTV, Screen Rant, TVRage, Hidden Remote, Gossip On This, and PopMatters. She prefers binge-watching old episodes of The Office (British and American versions) to long walks on the beach. She's still holding out hope that Happy Endings will get a revival.