Vanderpump Rules Recap: Tom vs. Tom (Season 7 Episode 14)
On Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 14, “Tom vs. Tom,” the Toms plan a vacation, but trouble arises when Sandoval invites James to come along. Kristen and Carter celebrate their anniversary.
Preparations for the actual opening of TomTom continue, and the extent of Sandoval’s and Schwartz’s involvement (or interest for that matter) remains questionable. At least Schwartz makes an appearance and pretends to do something.
Sandoval can’t be bothered because he’s too busy motorcycle shopping with Ariana. Sandoval has been racking his brain trying to figure out how he and Schwartz should make their big entrance on opening night. His solution is they should do it on a 15 thousand dollar motorcycle with Schwartz in a sidecar.
Ariana points out this might not be the best time to spend an obscene amount of money just to make a statement since they are trying to buy a house. But Tom must have some serious cash burning a hole in his pocket because this easy rider (more like Pee Wee Herman) won’t be detoured.
Schwartz takes a time out from “Restaurant Owning for Dummies” to entertain his three brothers. The infamous triplets are in town, and the plan is a guys’ night out that includes hitting a club where James is DJing.
James might remain persona non grata at SUR, but he is in demand elsewhere. He claims his continued obsession with getting back into SUR is because that’s where his heart is. It’s far more likely because that’s where his storyline is.
Maybe it’s all the booze, the VIP treatment, or a producer’s brilliant idea executed by puppet master herself Lisa Vanderpump, but the Toms want one last vacay before TomTom takes off — a bachelor party before committing to “their” bar. In a moment of sheer stupidity, Schwartz invites James.
Sandoval believes James has been punished enough for his past transgressions, “It’s time for everybody to stop ganging up on him, let him come around again, and get over it like they’ve done with everybody else.” But Jax is positive none of this is going to fly with the girls.
The Toms decide the whole gang should head to sunny Mexico, but when Schwartz mentions to Katie James is on the guest list, she blows her top. Katie’s not ready to forgive, she certainly hasn’t forgotten, and Sandoval’s and Schwartz’s loyalty should be to her.
Schwartz also lays the blame on Sandoval for the invite, but it’s Schwartz who tells James everyone will be cool with him coming.
Other potential buzz kill travelers include Kristen and Carter. In the aftermath of Carter’s argument with Stassi and Katie, he and Kristen celebrate the anniversary of their first date. Carter basically admits that their relationship is crap, and he’s a horrible boyfriend, but Kristen shouldn’t have shared the information with her friends.
Kristen isn’t sure if the problem is her or Carter. Maybe she’s the difficult one. If previous seasons didn’t provide proof that Kristen is a hot mess, we might feel sorry for her.
Kristen’s solution to her and Carter’s relationship issues is that he just be nice to her all the time. I guess Kristen subscribes to the Roadhouse philosophy of dating: be nice until it’s time to not be nice. If Carter would do that simple thing, she’d be great.
Far more entertaining is Stassi and Schwartz’s trip to a waxing bar. This segment proves these two could possibly carry their own reality show, and who knew you could get “vajacial.” Stassi also learns she can get a “vasparkle.” This procedure blings out a woman’s vag.
Vanderpump Rules occurs in this magical land where beautiful people pretend to work, play at cat cafes, drink Titos all day (this writer in particular thought Titos was tequila), and extend their 15 minutes of fame to eight years.
After Stassi’s private parts are attended to, she stands by as Schwartz gets his chest waxed. Schwartz isn’t exactly The 40 Year Old Virgin. He has a few errant hairs and just wants to clean things up, hoping to jump-start things in the bedroom with Katie.
But the fun can’t last, and Katie pulls rank, telling her hubby he has to make Sandoval disinvite James to Mexico. She decides this has to be done during Girls’ Night In. Poor Schwartz remains as henpecked as ever. He’s stuck between his actual wife and his work wife.
The parking lot behind SUR has been the backdrop for many epic battles, and this time it’s between Katie and Sandoval. It begins with Schwartz telling Sandoval that there’s no way James can come on their trip. Sandoval has been James’ “champion” all season, but Sandoval isn’t allowed to bring the bad puppy along as his carry on.
Ariana inserts herself because she’s tired of her boyfriend being the bad guy when she knows what Schwartz really says behind closed doors. Schwartz insists both and Sandoval look like a**h***s, but since Tom Sandoval did the inviting, he’s got to deliver the death-blow to James.
It’s a bit confusing and must come down to sketchy editing because Sandoval mentions the trip to James, but unless the invite is implied, it’s Schwartz who makes it official.
Katie appears, and Sandoval can’t hide his annoyance that everyone has to cater to Katie’s feelings. Sandoval reminds Katie that she’s gotten a lot of free passes over the years, so she might want to consider paying it forward. Isn’t it enough she got him fired.
Sandoval accuses Katie of being a bully, she dissolves into tears, and it’s not looking like this Mexican get away is going to be muy Bueno.
If Sandoval thinks James is rehabilitated, he gets a wake up call when he and Schwartz (these two kiss and make up immediately) tell James he won’t need to pack his sombrero, or anything else. The do this at TomTom, and in front of Lisa. James gets upset and loses his cool just minutes after assuring Lisa he has his anger issues under control.
Just because Katie’s a bully doesn’t mean James isn’t out to get her.
What did you think of this episode of Vanderpump Rules? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9/8c on Bravo.
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Jennifer Lind-Westbrook
Jennifer has been working as a freelance writer for six years, contributing to BuddyTV, Screen Rant, TVRage, Hidden Remote, Gossip On This, and PopMatters. She prefers binge-watching old episodes of The Office (British and American versions) to long walks on the beach. She's still holding out hope that Happy Endings will get a revival.