Riverdale Review: Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Hills Have Eyes (Season 2 Episode 14)

A couples’ weekend getaway turns seriously awkward on Riverdale Season 2 Episode 14. Of course, it’s all thanks to our favorite troublemaker with a heart of gold: Cheryl Blossom.

The central story this week finds Bughead and Varchie heading to the Lodge family’s vacation home, courtesy of Hiram. Of course, as with most things Hiram does, there’s a bit of a catch.

As he confides in Archie right before the gang departs for their trip, he’s hosting a meeting of the crime families back in Riverdale that same weekend. It’s clear that his magnanimous offer to allow the teens to use the “Lodge lodge” is anything but magnanimous; he’s trying to keep Veronica out of the fray, and more importantly, keep her safe.

Veronica’s sort of half-in/half-out status with her family and their criminal dealings is starting to become a bit tiring. I’m finding it difficult to be sympathetic with either her or Archie, as their motives and loyalties are becoming more muddled by the day.

At least Veronica has the excuse that this is her family. Now that Agent Adams is known to be a fake, Archie remains involved with Hiram and his criminal activities… why? Simply out of some misguided loyalty to Veronica, who isn’t even sure how involved she wants to be?

It doesn’t make a ton of sense, and like I said, Varchie is becoming less and less sympathetic as the weeks go by.

The Lodge lodge weekend getaway story does have its moments, specifically where it relates to the core four and their increasingly entangled romantic drama.

As of Riverdale Season 2 Episode 13, Veronica, Archie, Betty, and Cheryl all knew about the Barchie kiss that took place just before Christmas, at the height of the Black Hood scare. I knew that it would eventually blow up in Betty’s face when she and Jughead reunited and she didn’t meet his confession about his Toni hook-up with her own confession about her Archie kiss — and it does blow up. Sorta.

How hilarious is the way Cheryl spills the beans to Jughead about the Barchie kiss, over the phone when they’re all already at the vacation house?

It’s such a classic Cheryl move. She’s pissed and hurting because they left her out of their romantic couples’ getaway and because she doesn’t have a love to call her own. So how does she react? She lashes out, trying to hurt others and cause drama.

It’s not exactly a mature or sensible reaction, but it’s fully in character for Cheryl “Bombshell” Blossom.

In the end, Jughead handles the revelation pretty well. After initial hurt and betrayal, he and Betty talk it out, and he admits to being jealous of/sensitive about Betty’s close friendship with Archie. But when he says that he trusts her and that he’s over it, I believe him. I believe Veronica, too, when she says she’s over it (even though it’s still on her mind).

So what’s that Vughead kiss all about, then?

That flimsy excuse about leveling the playing field makes me laugh out loud. If both Veronica and Jughead are so “over it,” what’s really the point in adding a new layer to the love quartet by sharing an (admittedly pretty steamy) kiss?

It’s suspect, that’s what I’ll tell ya.

In reality, it’s clear that the Vughead kiss is something of a chem test. As with other teen dramas like Gossip Girl and my personal all-time fave One Tree Hill, if the show goes on long enough, eventually every possible romance gets a go. That’s just the nature of a teen drama.

The writers want to test Camila Mendes and Cole Sprouse’s on-screen chemistry, in a sense, and also test fans’ reactions to the unnecessary kiss.

I, personally, get nothing out of that Vughead kiss. But if this show continues for something like five (or more) seasons, every viewer needs to realize on some level that the writers will not keep Bughead and Varchie together for the entire series. That’s just… not how television works.

If they ever do go there with Veronica and Jughead, I’d imagine it will be something like Dan and Blair on Gossip Girl: people will either love it or absolutely loathe it, with no in-between.

The most interesting and exciting portion of the couples’ getaway story is obviously the blow-up over Hiram and what he’s up to.

I’m firmly team Bughead on this one. Hiram is clearly up to something shady. Buying the newspaper from Hal Cooper under Alice’s nose and buying up the trailer park aren’t two coincidental moves.

This is all part of Hiram’s larger scheme, and I don’t think his scheme is a good one for Riverdale. Archie and Veronica can bury their heads in the sand as much as they’d like, but the truth will come out eventually.

If I had to bet, I’d say that Hiram will eventually die or be sent back to jail as a result of his criminal dealings. Just a guess! And that would obviously be a huge bummer because Mark Consuelos is amazing (and extremely handsome to boot).

The townies breaking into the house amidst the big fight between the four friends is also a nice touch. The robbery is actually very tense and well done. For a second there, I really did fear for Veronica’s safety going into the bedroom with Cassidy.

I guess Archie is fully in with Hiram now that he purposely walked away from Andre and Cassidy as Andre shot the young man. That’s cold, Arch.

Meanwhile, back in Riverdale, other characters come to grips with realizations of their own.

My fave Kevin deals with an all-around rough week. He finds himself alone and date-less going to see Love, Simon in theaters (nice tie-in, Riverdale!) and later finds out that his dad is cheating on his mom with the former mayor. Ouch.

My heart really breaks for Kevin, particularly where Moose is concerned. Moose clearly likes Kevin but isn’t willing to break things off with Midge, for whatever reason. And what’s the deal with Moose lying to Kevin about the fact that Midge knows about them and is totally cool with it?

It’s abundantly obvious that Midge has no idea about the two of them when she asks how they met and Moose stumbles like the “big lug” he is.

Poor Kevin! Hopefully, he moves past his hesitation about dating someone named Fangs and actually sees if there’s anything between them. I hate that there are a maximum of maybe three gay or bisexual men in Riverdale.

Of course, the queer population in town did expand this week, thanks to Cheryl’s coming out story.

I adore that Cheryl is so moved by Love, Simon to speak candidly to Toni about her past and about having been in love with her middle school best friend Heather. Toni winds up being the perfect person for Cheryl to open up to.

Even though they aren’t even remotely friends before this, the Southsider senses that the redheaded queen bee is in deep pain and genuinely wants to help her. She does so perfectly, reassuring Cheryl that there’s nothing wrong with her and calling her “sensational.” What a word!

Clearly, this ship is finally starting to sail. It’s just a matter of how long it will take to get there. My fingers are also crossed that Cheryl doesn’t get overly attached and obsessive (a la her friendship with Josie), scaring Toni away.

Stray Thoughts:

• That Lodge lodge is flippin’ gorgeous and also creepy. Very much my aesthetic.
• Real talk, though: How did Cheryl even get Jughead’s number?
• It seems strange that Alice doesn’t appear at all on this episode, with her only mention being when she calls Betty in a panic over Hiram buying the paper.
• Speaking of Alice… I’m gonna need some follow-up on this lingering #Falice stuff ASAP please. C’mon writers: we need some movement on the relationship between FP and Alice before the season ends!
• I wonder if we’ll ever meet Cheryl’s Heather, or if it’s going to be one of those “Oh, she moved away” one-line write-offs.
• To be honest, I don’t care at all about the Sheriff Keller/Sierra affair story. I like both Josie and Kevin, but I wish the show would give them more to do in their own right, rather than make them supporting characters in their parents’ scandal. I guess it’s nice that they handle the reveal maturely enough to have a sit-down talk together. Can we move on from this now?
• The Bughead sex scene > the Varchie sex scene. There, I said it.

What did you think of this episode of Riverdale? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!

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Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

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