Vanderpump Rules Recap: End of an Era (Season 7 Episode 18)
On Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 18, “End of an Era,” Lala’s anxiety spins out of control. In an effort to repair friendships. James and Raquel plan a party. Billie Lee goes up against Lisa Vanderpump.
I’m not sure why the men on Vanderpump Rules refer to themselves or each other as “battered.” Just because your girlfriend/fiancé/wife keeps your balls in her bag, and only lets you play with them on special occasions, doesn’t mean you’re abused.
I realize these girls can be bullies, and #MeToo isn’t exclusive to women, but nobody on this show is battered. That doesn’t mean that Beau doesn’t wake up after sparring with Stassi in need of some TLC. Stassi feels remorseful but not entirely accountable. It’s up to Beau to fix all the damage inflicted on her self-esteem by Jax, Frank, and Patrick.
Meanwhile, poor Beau physically breaks out in hives from stress. Still in the throes of early-ish dating, Beau thinks the 99 percent of the time Stassi acts normal is worth putting up with the 1 percent when she’s a complete jerk.
Beau and Stassi aren’t the only ones who had a bad night. After getting wasted for the first time in a while and making out with anyone with t*ts, Lala had a massive panic attack.
Lala’s been very open about her struggles with anxiety. It’s caused her to abandon her post at SUR for weeks to run home to her mom. It’s also the reason she likes to go to bed sucking on a baby bottle (I really hope that’s the only reason)
Lala’s anxiety has increased since her father’s death, along with self-obsession, cruelty, unapologetic moodiness, and a bunch of steps that aren’t listed as the phases of grief.
Once again, Tom Schwartz and Katie have failed to consummate their vacation. These two should be banging it out like a contractor at a construction site, but since season 1, their low libidos have been the topic of much discussion.
Possibly their lack of sexual desire stems from Katie constantly p**is shaming her man. Or they could be on heavy doses of psychotropic drugs.
Schwartz does confide in Sandoval and Ariana that he’s content to wait and let Katie initiate sex, and maybe he should up his game. It’s time for Schwartz’s alter ego Tom Juan to take control. There’s two things you must do before leaving Mexico: contract some kind of intestinal parasite and have sex.
The Mexican getaway ends with a bang. Lala has another panic attack at dinner, which for reasons known only to Lala, the only way to get her off the ledge is through touch. Lala insists on being stroked, squeezed, hugged, and pretty much everything you can do with your clothes still on.
I’m not entirely sure Lala wouldn’t be happier if everyone would strip down. Lala likes to make a big show of her anxiety, and her performance is beginning to wear thin. To Stassi, Lala is coming across as over the top, and who would know better than a drama queen like Stassi?
Also on board with Stassi are Sandoval, Ariana, and Scheana. Leave it up to Scheana to make the entire situation about her. Specifically, how Lala leans on Scheana when she needs emotional support, but when it comes to getting drunk and making out at bars, Lala just isn’t into Scheana.
Yes, Scheana’s offended Lala would rather smooch Kristen Doute than her. The general consensus is that it’s Lala’s world, and the rest of us are just living in it.
Schwartzy makes good on his promise to seduce Katie. There are rose petals, a violinist, and an alarming abundance of vending machine candy and chips involved. The details are inconsequential. All that matters is that Tom and Katie both get laid during an actual season of Vanderpump Rules.
After what has to be the calmest group vacation in Vanderpump Rules‘ history, the group returns to an absolute s**t show. Billie is planning her first white party, and when Lisa nixes James DJing the event, Billie loses her mind.
What Billie doesn’t know is James admitted to Lisa he drank a beer with his dad. This is the Kennedy way to celebrate sobriety. But Lisa knows how quickly a slip can turn into a slide, and she doesn’t want to reward James when he hasn’t earned it.
Billie is livid that Lala can pitch a fit and suffer no repercussions, but James can’t spend a Sunday Funday spinning some tunes. Guess what, Billie? This is a LVP-cracy, and what she says goes.
Things go from bad to worse for Billie when she learns she’s not invited to Jax and Brittany’s engagement party because Jax isn’t a fan, Billie isn’t worth $75 a head, and she does pal around with James.
In sadder news involving James, he and Raquel are planning a “puppy shower” to celebrate their dog, Graham, joining their little family. Raquel is going all out on this doggy-themed extravaganza much to the confusion, amusement, and embarrassment of those she invites.
Just because Raquel looks like a daft, live-action Disney princess (in other words, entirely harmless) doesn’t mean anyone wants to spend an afternoon with her and James. Raquel gets shot down by Jax, Stassi, and even Brittany. James decides he doesn’t want those losers at his puppy party anyway.
While Tom Schwartz schmoozes at TomTom, Sandoval mixes drinks at SUR. Uh, dude, if you’re going to make cocktails, why not do it at your own-ish bar? When Lisa discovers Tom still working at SUR, she fires him on the spot and drags him down the block.
LVP has been accused of being calculating numerous times on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and all that smoke might actually mean fire. Once Lisa’s got her two Toms together, standing in “their” bar, quizzing them on what makes a good partner, she informs Schwartz his check for $50,000 bounced.
This is the cheddar that’s supposed to make him a “partner.” To say this moment is incredibly embarrassing for both Toms would be an understatement.
Time to pay up, Schwartzy, or Lisa will have to find another Tom to take your place.
And it is about the puppy party!
What did you think of this episode of Vanderpump Rules? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9/8c on Bravo.
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Jennifer Lind-Westbrook
Jennifer has been working as a freelance writer for six years, contributing to BuddyTV, Screen Rant, TVRage, Hidden Remote, Gossip On This, and PopMatters. She prefers binge-watching old episodes of The Office (British and American versions) to long walks on the beach. She's still holding out hope that Happy Endings will get a revival.