Charmed Re-Watch: Thank You for Not Morphing (Season 1 Episode 3)

The Charmed Ones face their deadly daddy issues on the third episode of the bewitching Charmed. There are some seriously strange and questionable aspects of Charmed Season 1 Episode 3, “Thank You For Not Morphing,” but it re-centers itself on the most important magic there is: family.

We continue our Charmed re-watch with an examination of what charmed, what chagrined, and what changed upon this new viewing of the coven classic.

Charmed

Prue shouts at her father on “Thank You For Not Morphing”:

No one can hurt us as bad as you.

I am charmed by the episode’s recognition of the fact that the scariest monsters are not hiding in shadows or under the bed. The people we love and depend upon to love us back are actually capable of becoming the most horrific monsters.

The show doesn’t hold the Halliwells’ father very accountable for his absence, more or less blaming it on their grandmother and a spell.

Still, the three sisters, each in their own way, touch upon the depth of hurt created by not knowing their dad. The emotional resonance of “Thank You for Not Morphing” comes from this core conflict — where were you when we needed you, dad?

It is a sophisticated theme for an episode that also includes a wildly hokey “magic ring.” Consider me charmed by the effort to dig deep so soon in the series.

I am also 100% charmed by the fashion on “Thank You for Not Morphing.”

Maroon is back, and 2018 is still looking to 1998 for its form-fitting fashion sense.

I see Prue, Piper, and Phoebe head out to their neighbor’s party and I flash back to my high school days roaming Charlotte Russe, hunting for the top that will give me that Halliwell look. Honestly, my weekend might include the exact same hunt!

The flirty, mature, and feminine ensembles have stood the test of time, and I am not ashamed to admit that I look forward to seeing what the Halliwell women are wearing in each new scene.

Chagrined

Yikes.

The ratio of charmed to chagrined aspects flipped from Charmed Season 1 Episode 2, “I’ve Got You Under My Skin,” to Charmed Season 1 Episode 3, “Thank You for Not Morphing.”

The list of chagrined moments is rather long for the show’s third episode. But even when it’s bad, it’s so bad it’s good.

I simply can not get past Phoebe yelling out “Daddy?!” while Father Halliwell is in a robe getting a massage, and him responding with “Are you legal?” Wow. It’s just gross.

I mean, really. What about a reunion scene between an absent father and his 21-year-old daughter screams “half-naked spa experience”?

It is confounding.

I also find myself disturbed by the fact that Andy and Father Halliwell are characters in different generations, but they look so similar and similarly aged. Weird, weird, weird.

It gets better as we learn that Phoebe was a very young child the last time she met her dad. But still…

Why? Just why, with the robe?

The special effects that charmed on “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” took a turn for the freaky and icky on “Thank You For Not Morphing.”

I’m sorry, I really am. But I can’t look at the morphed key-finger and not see a very suggestive phallic situation.

Additionally, I am chagrined by the “real” version of Cynna, who just looks like an ’80s punk rock version of herself. Punk rock is not demon-filled!

For me, this use of special effects misses the mark.

Thankfully, these chagrinned moments are very brief, and the power of the connection between the three sisters continues to shine through.

Even with the aggressively fake mutton chops for Father Halliwell, I adore the old videotape that the sisters watch to reconnect with their shared history. It is a tender and cozy moment, and it works.

Changed

The main thing that changed for me on my re-watch of “Thank You For Not Morphing” is my expectation of how people should be acting in their twenties. I didn’t recall that Phoebe is 21. On Charmed, Prue kind of looks down on Phoebe because she is such a mess.

On the re-watch, this becomes ludicrous to me. 21 is SO young. No one has it together at 21, and if they do, it’s a ruse. Phoebe is leaps and bounds ahead of the gate in regards to emotional maturity and self-control.

Granted, Charmed is set in the pre-Insta world. The expectations have changed.

But still. Each of the three sisters is grounded, mature, and communicative in comparison to every person I have met in their early twenties.

Taking a romp through the land of Charmed is also providing a vision of how things in the post-internet era have really changed in regards to aging. If 40 is the new 30, I guess 21 could be quite different as well.

What do you think about Charmed Season 1 Episode 3, “Thank You For Not Morphing”? Are you as creeped out by Father Halliwell as I am? Join the spellbinding conversation in the comments!

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