Riverdale: 5 Things We Loved and 2 We Hated from Chapter Sixteen: The Watcher in the Woods

The body count isn’t quite as high as we thought, but Riverdale Season 2 Episode 3, “Chapter Sixteen: The Watcher in the Woods,” is still kicking things into gear.

“The Watcher in the Woods” finds our not-so-wholesome kids dealing with the very real threat of the Black Hood killer amidst family, friend, and relationship drama.

Oh, and now there’s a vigilante squad led by none other than Archie Andrews. Y’know — just teen stuff!

Here are a few things we loved (and a few we didn’t) about this episode.

Loved: Lodge family drama

The strange, complex, ever-changing dynamics between Hiram, Hermione, and Veronica are one of my favorite things about this season so far.

On Riverdale Season 2 Episode 2, Veronica finally came around to the idea of reconciling with Hiram — or at least giving him a chance. Thankfully, “The Watcher in the Woods” proves that Veronica isn’t exactly leaping into this with a blind eye.

Veronica arranges for her father to meet the gang, though she gives Hermione ample opportunity to come clean about what exactly Hiram is up to. But apparently, Hermione is straight-up terrified of her husband — that’s made clear during their brief confrontation before the dinner.

Most ominous dress zipping ever or what?

The exchange between Veronica and her mother, as Veronica polishes the silver, is equally tense and uncomfortable. What the heck is going on with Hermione?

One minute, she’s lying on Hiram’s behalf and taking responsibility for manipulating Veronica with last season’s threatening letter. The next, she’s warning Veronica off of attempting to get too close with her father in extremely vague terms.

The dinner scene is particularly strange, where Hermione downs a glass of wine before essentially taunting Veronica about Hiram’s refusal to let his “princess” into the king’s lair. Hermione is essentially a completely different character from her Season 1 incarnation. But why?

Veronica, for what it’s worth, doubles down in response to Hermione’s weirdness and Hiram continuously keeping her at arm’s length. She pushes for her closest friends to meet Hiram, then for a dinner with Archie and her parents. Finally, she announces her intentions to have an active role in the family’s company.

All this sets up an intriguing storyline that can go many different ways. Part of me thinks Veronica might dig herself in too deep and get corrupted by her parents’ shadiness. On the flip side, she might end up being the one to blow it all up.

It’ll certainly be interesting to see, either way.

Loved: Toni Topaz

This is a great introduction for a much-hyped character: bisexual Serpent member Toni Topaz.

I love everything about Toni so far, from her look to her attitude to her budding friendship with Jughead.

I’m also impressed that they’re not making her a complete stereotype (at least, not yet). She’s basically Betty’s polar opposite in every way, but the writers aren’t being obnoxious and over-the-top about their differences.

Realistically, though, the two girls represent the opposing forces between which Jughead is caught. He wants the Betty life, yet he keeps being pulled back again and again to Toni’s Serpent life, no matter how hard he tries to resist.

My fingers are crossed and double-crossed that Riverdale avoids going the obvious route: a love triangle between Betty, Jughead, and Toni. There are rumors of a potential Toni-Cheryl relationship. That, I’d be here for.

Loved: Polly’s departure

Perhaps “loved” is too strong a word, but I certainly appreciate that Riverdale doesn’t hesitate to cast off extraneous characters.

There’s a lot going on right now, so having Polly hang around just to be pregnant and sad isn’t very useful. It’s definitely a good thing that the show doesn’t just awkwardly ignore the fact that she’s never around without officially writing her off.

Instead, they give her an active presence, and she makes a logical decision: To leave town while a killer targeting “sinners” is on the lose.

Polly puts it best and most succinctly when she points out that she’s an unwed mother pregnant with her cousin’s babies. The target on her back is pretty large.

We’re likely to see her again in the future, but hopefully not until those babies are born. Plus, we’ll soon have a new Cooper sibling to contend with.

Loved: Kevin’s storyline

Far and away my favorite part of this episode is its intensive focus on Kevin and the themes it explores.

The reality of being a gay teen in a small, sort of old-fashioned town isn’t something that’s often explored in mainstream TV. In my view, the writers handle Kevin’s cruising storyline delicately and with the perfect amount of nuance.

On the one hand, cruising has always been a thing in the gay community. Kevin’s sexuality is his own, and it’s definitely not okay for Betty to try to shame him over something she has no idea about.

I adored that Kevin pulls no punches during their confrontation in the woods (helpfully attended by Cheryl, who mainly seems interested in being where the drama is). He rightfully calls Betty out for her “pink milkshake” love life and points out that his options are not the same as hers in Riverdale, when it comes to finding a relationship.

That Kevin explodes on Betty like this feels true and realistic.

On the other hand, there’s an actual killer on the loose. Kevin’s life is truly in danger every time he attempts to hook up with a strange man in the woods. Any one of those guys could be the killer — something that he clearly gets in the latter half of the episode, during his frightening encounter with the pushy guy in the car.

Kevin’s conversation with Sheriff Keller (aka, the best dad in town) is also a great moment. I don’t love that Betty goes and spills Kevin’s business to his dad, but the show has been consistently great about drawing a realistic relationship between the man and his gay son.

Obviously, the Sheriff is totally out of his element when it comes to helping his son with matters of love and sex. But it’s sweet that he tells Kevin he’s willing to try.

Kevin’s conversation with Moose in the hospital is also excellent.

Overall, Casey Cott is by far the MVP of the episode. He 100% deserved that upgrade from recurring to series regular for the second season, and I’m glad we’ll be getting more of him than we did in the first.

Loved: Deliciously manipulative Hiram

Mark Consuelos is hot in a very specific “evil dad” way, which makes him perfect for the role of Hiram.

I also have absolutely no idea what his game plan is here — but I am confident that he has one, and that we’ll find it out soon.

Hiram has managed to terrify his wife into submission. He also encourages Archie to unleash chaos in town by way of his band of half-assed vigilante footballers.

But for what purpose? Is Hiram somehow linked up with the killer? Or does he just want to take advantage of the disarray that will inevitably ensue when the gang makes a mess of things?

Hated: Archie goes vigilante

I’m not exactly being subtle about my dislike of everything Archie this season, am I?

The writers went hard with having Archie pick up some jingle-jangle and a gun all in one episode last week. But now, in record time, he forms what is basically a private security force/vigilante gang to protect the town.

Literally everything about this is completely illogical and silly, starting with the fact that Archie gets the group’s name from a comic book. I get that it’s a reference to the original comics, but it’s still goofy.

I also dislike that Archie is so easily manipulated and gullible. Hiram plants the idea in his head, and Archie just goes ahead and implements it without a second thought. Is anyone honestly supposed to believe that a deranged killer targeting “sinners” is going to be intimidated by a group of shirtless teens wearing red masks?

The fact that Principal Weatherbee backs this nonsense up is just groan-inducing. Sheriff Keller is the only adult in this town with an iota of common sense (despite the fact that he’s, uh, not so great at crime-solving).

Hated: Horror high school and the Ghoulies

Much like “loved” is too strong a word for Polly’s departure, I don’t quite dislike the Jughead portions of this episode to the degree of “hated.”

In fact, there are certain aspects I really like. For one, the show is doing a smart job of truly making it seem as though Jughead is trying everything in his power to stay away from the Serpents. Of course, we’re quickly seeing that, time and again, he’s being drawn back in.

My dislike stems from the plot holes in this whole thing.

For one, it seems incredibly contrived for Jughead not to be able to find some way back to Riverdale High. For another, his new high school is almost comically decrepit and creepy. It’s like he’s attending classes on the set of a horror movie.

Jughead diving headfirst into a drug expose and pinpointing the Ghoulies as the distributors of jingle-jangle also strikes me as, well, dumb. Like, just straight-up stupid.

I get that Jughead feels passionately about social justice and everything, but was it not already clear that the drug-dealing Ghoulies are dangerous? Well, now he’s got some bruises and a secret to keep from Betty as a reminder of that.

Stray thoughts:

• Totally inexplicably, Midge and Moose both survive the Black Hood’s attack. With minimal if any injuries. Like… what? Does Moose have abs of literal steel or something?
• That said, I’m glad at least Moose is still alive. I’m shipping TF out of Kevin and Moose after that hospital scene between them! Both actors are great in what could’ve been a throwaway moment.
• The crafty writers fake us out by almost killing off Barb Ethel Muggs. Very funny, crafty writers. #JusticeForBarbEthel
• Veronica’s and Cheryl’s clothes are always on point, but I particularly love their looks for this episode.
• The Matchelorette and “Grind’Em.” Those each give me a hearty guffaw.
• Beyond the myriad issues with Archie’s Red Circle, I can’t suspend my disbelief enough to reconcile that any group of high schoolers is actually that ripped.
• Is “I self-identify as a loner” this season’s “I’m a weirdo”?

What did you think of this episode of Riverdale? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!

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Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

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